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Professional pet translators for weddings, therapy sessions, legal proceedings, and corporate focus groups. Certified translators available nationwide.
Events Translated
Accuracy Rate
(self-reported)Certified Translators
Divorce Cases Won
From weddings to courtrooms, we translate what your pet is really thinking.
Let your furry ring bearer share their thoughts on your special day. Popular translation: "Concerned about catering choices."
From $500/eventDeep conversations with your pet about your relationship, your choices, and their judgment thereof.
$200/hourCertified pet testimony for custody disputes. Dogs have chosen sides in 3 divorce cases so far.
$500/hourGet direct feedback from dogs on your pet food products. Licensed by major brands.
$2,000/sessionMuch harder. Cats generally uncooperative. Most common translation: "No comment."
$300/hourBecome a certified Ruff Translator with our 2-hour online course. Improvisation skills required.
$299/courseOur certified translators decode what your pet is really saying.
Select your service type and preferred translator from our certified network.
We gather background on your pet and what topics you'd like addressed.
Our translator interprets barks, body language, and general vibes in real-time.
Receive a detailed transcript of everything your pet communicated.
A sample translation from a recent therapy session.
Certified Canine Linguist - 94% accuracy (self-reported)
From a single wedding translation to a nationwide network of certified linguists.
First translation: wedding ceremony with dog ring bearer
Launch "1:1 Pet Therapy Translation" sessions
Featured on local news (they believed us)
Expand to cats (much harder, cats don't cooperate)
First corporate client: dog food taste test focus groups
Launch Ruff Translations Certified Translator program
Hear what our clients learned about their pets.
"The translator told me my dog thinks I'm 'adequate.' Honestly, that tracks. Best $200 I ever spent."
"At our wedding, the translator said our dog was 'concerned about our financial decisions.' Valid point, honestly."
"Our divorce proceedings included dog testimony. Max said he preferred my husband. We're appealing."
Our 2-hour online course teaches you the art of pet translation. Strong improvisation skills required. No refunds.
Get Certified - $299Find out what your pet really thinks. You might not like the answer, but you'll definitely pay for it.
Book a Translator